Stay Close

Remembering what matters most on a day-to-day basis.

Hello everyone!

I had coffee with a good friend today, and the theme of our conversation was staying close. That can mean so many different things, which is why it struck me as such an important realization—and a well-rounded description of what I’m feeling.

I want to stay close to the people I love, the issues that matter to me, and also to my own internal world—the parts of myself that I want to pay more attention to. I also want to focus my efforts locally, make small changes, and just give more care to my house plants and pet rabbit. I want to call my friends who need support, and play Wordle and Connections and share my scores with my family.

It feels like retreating, but I’m actually not retreating – I want to stay present and participate, so to do that, I’m going to show up the best way I know how. It feels more like paying attention to what matters most, letting the small things contribute to the bigger ones, and trusting the process of growth rather than relying on brute force.

I actually had something else written to share here this week, but I decided to swap it out for these five simple things that helped me stay close this week. They’re basic, but I think that’s exactly what’s needed right now. It feels nourishing and truer to what’s essential.

1.     I’m decorating for the holidays early this year! We’ve always had a tradition of decorating after getting back from Thanksgiving with family, but that usually means a frantic day of putting everything up after being away for a week and gearing up to start another. Today, I went out and got my first balsam fir-scented candle and some holiday soap for the bathrooms. This year, I’m taking it slow—doing a little at a time instead of cramming it all into one day.

2.     I had my annual mammogram this week, and there’s a new law requiring practitioners to inform you about your breast density and let you know if follow-up might be needed. This is such good news—a real step toward better care for women. With my history of mammogram call backs, a biopsy, and even surgery, mammogram day is one of my least favorite days of the year. But it's also the day I feel most proud of myself. I take my nervous, scared self into a situation that feels out of my control to take better care of future me. I have several friends who have had or are currently dealing with breast cancer, and for them and for me, I will never miss an annual appointment—even if Todd has to practically carry me through the door (and this year, he almost did).

3.     My favorite books in the world are autobiographies. Last week, I finished Lisa Marie Presley’s autobiography, and this week I’m listening to Sally Field’s. Some of my past favorites have been Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, Prince Harry, Viola Davis, Jeannette McCurdy, Trevor Noah, Matthew Perry, Barbra Streisand, Britney Spears, and the list goes on (I love a good mix of biography and pop culture). In my 20s, whenever I was feeling down, I’d go to Borders in Chicago, sit on the floor with someone’s autobiography, and get lost in their story. It reminded me that everyone is going through something, how they struggle, and how they get back up. I’m not kidding when I say that E! True Hollywood Stories and Behind the Music taught me a lot about what to do—and what not to do—by showing how people lose and find themselves along the way. Anyway, big shoutout to Lisa Marie’s autobiography, beautifully completed by her daughter, Riley Keough. Listening to Lisa Marie’s perspective (read by Julia Roberts), mixed with Riley’s viewpoint and real audio recordings of Lisa Marie’s interviews, made this one really special. It’s stuck with me.

4.     Our pet rabbit, Smokey, came to us 9 years ago from Red Door, a nonprofit animal rescue for rabbits. Smokey has two front legs and only one back leg, and she’s been happily living life three-leggedly until a few months ago, when we noticed that her other back leg seemed to be giving out. Learning how to care for an aging rabbit who needs significant attention has been a work in progress. She used to be so independent—completely litter-box trained, hopping around the house, and enjoying her sunspot by the window. Now she needs daily medicine, daily dry baths since she can’t fully clean herself, and lots more love as we carry her from place to place. But there’s something sweet about this season. Now that we know she won’t hop away, she sits outside with us by the fire when we watch TV, and she absolutely loves it. We feel closer to her than ever, especially Todd, who’s become her new best friend. If you love rabbits, check out Red Door and consider adopting, donating, or even joining in on their rabbit yoga. 🐰

5.     The biggest news this week is that my book’s publication date got moved up from next year to next month—Restoring Our Girls is now coming out on 12/10, which has me feeling a bit behind on the marketing and sales front. 😬 But with my new “stay close” mantra, I’m choosing to do just a few things each day and take the long view on this experience. I believe in this book; I wrote it for all the girls and women I’ve worked with and loved, and I know it will help families who want to stay connected to their daughters. It’s literally a roadmap for having meaningful conversations, understanding girls' needs and the culture they navigate, and recognizing why our needs as parents sometimes get in the way—and how to find that middle ground. I know this book will help create lighter, long-lasting, and less chaotic relationships with your girls.

Right now, there’s a Goodreads Giveaway for the book, so click to enter and maybe win a free copy! And if you’re looking for a holiday gift for you or someone raising a daughter, I think this would be a meaningful choice - it’s a great head start if the girls are young, and if you have teens or young adults, it’s exactly what you need right now to maintain the peace and deepen your relationship. Plus, each of my daughters contributed a chapter, bringing their own experiences and insights—and showing up as wonderful teachers.

That’s it for now! I hope you stay close to your people and yourself, making it a priority to notice and enjoy the things that make you feel good. Anxiety may be high, but all the good things are still here.