Ebb & Flow
Staying close and remembering what matters most on a day-to-day basis.
Staying close means so many different things, which is why it's such an important realization and a well-rounded description of what I've been feeling.
I want to stay close to the people I love, the issues that matter to me, and my own internal world—the parts of myself that I want to pay more attention to. I also want to focus my efforts locally, make small but meaningful changes, and support my family and friends in any way they need, all while keeping my eye on the bigger picture and believing in what's possible.
It feels more like paying attention to what matters most, letting the small things contribute to the bigger ones, and trusting the process of growth and change.
These are my five ways of staying close this week.
1. Ebb and Flow 🌊
For the past two weeks, I've been quietly repeating, "ebb and flow, ebb and flow," soothing myself with these words without fully realizing what I'm trying to convey. I googled where "ebb and flow" comes from and was reminded that it’s all about the tides—"ebb" is when the tide pulls back, and "flow" is when it comes back in. We often use it to describe life's disappointments or setbacks, so it's no wonder it's been stuck in my head.
Thinking about ebb and flow in terms of the tides and the natural world helps me feel more grounded with hints of peace (just hints, I’m still processing everything that’s happening). Societal progress moves in cycles too, with setbacks that might feel like steps backward but are really just laying the groundwork for the next leap forward. This rhythm shows us that setbacks aren’t the end—they’re a setup for something greater.
2. Living in the Overlap
In my last book, Zen Parenting, I focused on parenting during times of uncertainty. In my new book, Restoring Our Girls, I focus on parenting within the paradox—where conflicting truths coexist—and on navigating the overlap, embracing multiple realities, and helping our girls do the same.
Artist Danielle Coke Balfour, otherwise known as @ohhappydani on Instagram, captured this perfectly in her artwork last week:
These and the many other examples she shares remind us that we’re constantly navigating multiple things at once, and we can learn to embrace and find comfort in the in-between. Her shop is a great place for gifts, books, and other lovely things that will make you feel good.
3. Lèon & Nobody Wants This
I was so excited to hear You & I as the final song in episode one of Nobody Wants This on Netflix! A few years ago, my daughter introduced me to singer/songwriter Lèon (pro tip from Restoring Our Girls: always ask your kids about their music so you can enjoy and get to know their favorite artists). That’s exactly what I did with Lèon back then, but I’d kind of forgotten how much I love her music until Nobody Wants This brought her back to mind. My favorite Lèon song is still Chasing a Feeling from the Apart album - and if you haven’t watched Nobody Wants This yet, you must.
4. ZenCon2025!
Speaking of music, did you know Glen Phillips, lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket, is performing Friday night at our very last Zen Parenting Conference (Jan 24–25)? Here’s how it all came together.
A few years ago, Todd and I were in Vegas, having drinks and playing one of those "get to know you better" games (still fun after 22 years of marriage). He asked me who my favorite band was—not artist, but band. I mentioned R.E.M., U2, and Fleetwood Mac, but when I checked my playlist, I realized I owned and loved almost every Toad the Wet Sprocket album. They might be top of the list…
I realized I had never seen them live, so I googled to see if they were touring so we could go to a show, but they had zero tour dates listed. Then, a year later, almost to the date, I was in a coffee shop in a small Michigan town and saw a flyer that Glen Phillips would be performing an acoustic set at a venue there in two weeks. Todd and I made plans to come back for the show, and we LOVED it. He played the hits, some solo music, and talked about parenting, life, and aging—all the things that feel so relevant to us right now. If you’re a parent today, chances are you listened to Toad in high school, college, or your 20s, so we knew he was the perfect musical act for our last conference.
But wait, there’s more!
We’re also bringing in some of our favorite speakers for the weekend, including:
Dr. John Duffy (Rescuing Our Sons)
Dr. Alexandra Solomon (healthy conflict for stronger partnerships)
Lauren and Michelle from The Sister Project (slowing down, finding calm)
This year, we’re especially encouraging couples to come (the ticket price for two is a great deal!).
Dr. Duffy and I will be talking about Rescuing Our Sons and Restoring Our Girls on Saturday morning—why both are so important right now and how we can work on them simultaneously.
Todd and some amazing guys from MenLiving are hosting a preconference workshop on Friday, and also a presentation Saturday midday, sharing how we can stay connected to the boys and men in our lives, how masculinity has been politicized, and the harmful blind spots in male socialization that can leave boys feeling isolated and lost.
The sisters will guide us—especially women and moms—to find some calm, comfort, and a dose of fierce, kick-ass determination to fully enjoy our lives during their preconference workshop on Friday. We’ll also have many other amazing speakers on Saturday, with Dr. Solomon closing the day by sharing her insights on healthy conflict when it comes to partnership and parenting, navigating discomfort, and staying close to the people we love most.
Click here to join us on Jan. 24 & 25. Let’s come together to find new ways forward—it’s a truly special experience, and we can’t wait to see you there! (And don’t let $$ keep you from attending—scholarships and group discounts are available. Reply for more details.)
5. Nostalgic Classics
I have a special fondness for nostalgic classics - songs that might not be universally praised and are often even made fun of, but they hold a special place in my heart because of the memories and emotions tied to them. Rediscovering songs I used to love and adding them to my playlist makes me really happy—it’s a way to stay close to the music that matters to me and the memories that come with it.
This week’s nostalgic classic is:
Let Your Love Flow - The Bellamy Brothers
This one goes way back to 1980, when I was watching Little Darlings with Tatum O’Neal, Kristy McNichol, Matt Dillon, and even a young Cynthia Nixon. At the very end, when Angel tells Ferris (yes, those are their names) that she’s her best friend, this song starts playing. It made such an impact on me as a 10-year-old—and on so many other Gen X kids, and I get happy when it shows up on my Sirius/XM Yacht Rock station. You can see what I’m talking about here—just jump ahead to around 1:57 to catch the scene I’m referring to.
That’s it! More thoughts on staying close next week! ❤️
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