Choosing Peace When That’s Not the Norm
Shohei Ohtani got hit by a pitch, and his response was different and unexpected.
This week I am sharing a guest essay from my husband, Todd. If you don’t know Todd, he’s my co-host for Zen Pop Parenting (formally Zen Parenting Radio) and he’s also the co-founder and executive director of MenLiving, a nonprofit dedicated to creating spaces where men can connect, heal, and thrive.
What he wrote below was a response to a clip I showed him from a recent Dodgers game. You may have seen it too, Shohei Ohtani got hit by a pitch, and his response was different and unexpected.
Todd was surprised by it, moved even. I wasn’t shocked, but I definitely found it thoughtful and conscientious, a real example of how someone can act with civility when given a platform on a main stage.
But Todd saw this as a big deal because boys and men are expected to fight back. That’s what’s normal, especially in sports. The unspoken rule is, you don't let it go. You stand your ground and you keep the conflict going. We call women the emotional ones, saying they’re too reactive and too sensitive to lead. But if men are supposed to be steady and rational, why is it so rare and so surprising when they choose calm instead of violence?
We all know violence doesn’t help. It makes things worse, especially with kids watching. It doesn’t match the values we say we care about, but we keep excusing it, because that’s the way it’s always been.
So I want to thank Shohei for doing something different, for choosing peace and grace in a moment when that’s not the norm. That’s real power, the kind of leadership I can stand behind. It’s not dramatic to say we need more of this. More people willing to interrupt what we’ve always done and actually live the values we talk about. I know it’s “just a game,” but this is where it starts. Our kids need to see what it looks like to be kind, to be thoughtful, to be powerful without needing to overpower. They need that kind of role modeling right now, I think we all do.
And thank you to Todd for writing this essay for MenLiving’s newsletter and for letting me share it here. I’m always so proud of Todd—because he’s a good man, and because he genuinely believes in the goodness of men. He believes they want to grow, to connect, and that it begins with honest conversations about what really matters to them, to their families, and to the world they’re helping shape.
Ohtani Let Go of the Rope
By Todd Adams
Cathy handed me her phone and said, “Watch this.”
It was a highlight from a recent Dodgers/Padres game, and Shohei Ohtani had just been hit by a pitch—up and in, the kind of pitch that could’ve easily tagged his head or face. Instead, he turned his body just in time and took it in the shoulder.
That pitch was dangerous, and in today’s baseball climate, it wasn’t an isolated incident. Between their last two series, the Padres and Dodgers had hit 10 batters. Baseball has an unwritten rule: you hit our guy, we’ll hit yours. What often follows is predictable, benches clear, tempers flare, and fists sometimes fly.
In that moment, Ohtani had choices:
He could’ve yelled, charged the mound, escalated.
He could’ve made sure his pitcher got “even” the next inning.
But he didn’t.
Instead, Ohtani turned to his own dugout, where teammates were already on the top step, ready to rumble in his defense and he waved them off. He told them to stay put. Then he walked toward the Padres dugout with a calm smile and shook hands with an opposing player. He chose to de-escalate. He let go of the rope.
I turned to Cathy and said, “That was incredible.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because guys don’t do that,” I replied.
And I meant it.
As a lifelong baseball fan, I’ve seen hundreds of these moments and almost every time, anger wins. Retaliation wins. There’s this idea that to protect your team, your ego, or your manhood, you’ve got to fight back. Hurt them before they hurt you again.
But Ohtani showed us there’s another way.
In my office, I keep a sketch of a man in a tug-of-war, but he’s letting go of the rope. Not losing, but choosing. Because you can’t keep pulling if one side refuses to grip.
This is what I share with men in coaching sessions or MenLiving meetings when conflict with a partner or loved one comes up: You can let go of the rope. You don’t have to play the game of escalation, who’s right and who’s tougher. That game has no winner. (Middle East conflict, anyone?)
What Ohtani did flies in the face of the Man Box, that narrow set of rules that tells men we must be dominant, emotionless, aggressive. That the only response to vulnerability or threat is strength, control, and overpowering. Ohtani broke that code and showed strength through restraint, leadership through calm, dignity through peace.
We need more of that. More men who realize that strength isn’t about pulling harder, but about demonstrating leadership through de-escalation and knowing when to let go.
